"Wait, you're a WHAT?"

Location: The park with my good friend and our dogs.
Mood: F-ing Awesome
Question: Who do I tell, and what will they think?

A wise patient in treatment once said, "There is a difference between secrets and privacy." This is something I will always remember, yet it is something that not everybody entirely understands. So today, I will be diving deeper into the meaning of this statement, in the hopes that we can take as much as we can out of it.

Imagine yourself watching a cheesy soap opera...and the mother declares, "I'm...an alcoholic." DUN DUN DUUUUN! Everything is SO different now! This is incredibly dramatic and we see her in a different light! She's not the same woman she used to be!

...eeeh...not exactly true.

Imagine watching a drama about a family on a farm, and the drunken father stumbles in. Beating his wife, the children hide under the kitchen table and sob. DUN DUN DUUUUUUN! The man himself is the bad guy! Only bad people end up doing this!

...eeeh...not exactly true.

Finally, imagine a college student. He has friends, he pregames before parties. Doesn't know when to stop. Gets to the party. Doesn't know when to stop. Shit goes down, he fucks up. But don't worry...this is totally normal and is expected. He's not gonna stop now! This is FUN!

...eeeh...not exactly true.

The media has shined a light on the issue of alcoholism in a way that makes me furious. Rarely are characters with this problem accurate or realistic in shows, and the tabloids attack celebrities who actually suffer from this disease. Sure there are some cases that I would agree with (Charlie Sheen insulted A.A. and accused it of ridiculous things, I show little pity), but these people do not deserve to be overwhelmed by the public.

My little sister doesn't know about my alcoholism. She knows I'm home for medical reasons, but she is not yet ready to learn about this. It's disappointing that I have to wait and tell her when she has matured more so she can understand. If I were to tell her now, she would relate me to images of Lindsay Lohan, because that's all she knows about the issue. The media has tainted minds of people who know so little about the disorder of chemical dependency, and I must keep that in mind when I figure out who I am comfortable sharing this information with.

It's not a secret from my sister, and I strongly emphasize that. I'm not scared of her finding out, nor do I plan on keeping this away from her forever. It's a matter of privacy; this is something that I have to suffer from, and not everyone has to learn immediately. I do not yet trust my little sister, for it is not something that should be carried in the form of gossip. Secrets come and go, but when things are considered privacy, they are much more personal and significant to one's being. Trust and maturity are necessary.

Most friends back at school are clueless to my alcoholism. True, they know I'm home for medical reasosn, but the few who know the whole truth understand that it is my responsibility to tell who I think should know (and for that I could not thank them enough). Provided that these are college students, they have matured much more than my little sister...but some still might judge me, not fully understanding the disease. I understand...before I realized what was happening, my thoughts on alcoholism were entirely different. I have learned so much about myself and alcoholism these past few months, and I do not plan on ever forgetting.

However, perhaps I'm a little too cautious about who I tell. I do fear how people will react. One friend said, "WOAH, you are? I would have never guessed!" Not unreasonable, but also not helpful. If you were to walk down a street, you wouldn't be able to point out which people are addicts and which are not. We don't wear a sticker, at best we carry our sobriety coin in our pocket or wallet. Many successful and wonderful people are chemically dependent, in fact, most people I've met at meetings are friendly and great to talk to. There is the awful stereotype that lower class, miserable people are only dealing with this. That could not be more off. True, depression and addiction can go hand in hand (one leading to the other, depression leading to addiction in my case), but some very happy people are in need of recovery, and some very unhappy people are struggling from other things, not including this.

It is important that I tell myself that I should not be ashamed of this. I cannot think of one person who has never been upset with themselves for something they have no control over. This is simply another thing I cannot control. By understanding this, I have been able to make it to step 4...alcoholism is but ONE thing I have no power over. Because I now know this, I am able to let go of other things and let the world do what I cannot. It's a beautiful feeling, and even if you dont have my same disease, you should still understand that you can only do so much on your own.

I am with a friend who knows, and he understood right away without judging. It's so comforting to have such supportive friends and family members. Even people who aren't so close to me know, and they too are supportive without judgement. You'll be surprised how many caring people there are out there. You are not alone. It should only be your role to inform people; tell who you feel comfortable telling, but don't feel as if it's a dramatic plot twist in your life that you can't tell people who are significant to you. Be comfortable with who you are, this is but one quality that you deal with, and it does not define you. Those who are worth keeping around will know this as well, and be there for you all through life.