Location: A.A. Meeting
Feeling: To be honest, a little bloated.
Question: "Am I really only at step 2?"
This coming Sunday marks three months sober, which is the longest I have been sober since I began drinking. By far. True, drinking was not a part of my life for as long as others, and it might not be as impressive as for those who make it there after drinking for years and years, but hey. I'm still proud. An addict's an addict.
In treatment I went through step one EASILY. But I find myself having difficulty with steps 2 and 3. For most people I know, these are the easiest steps, because they already have a religious background or were previously spiritual in some way. This is not the case for me; although my father was raised Catholic and my mother Lutheran, neither of them continued their religion or expressed it in our family. Sure, there was Christmas, but I can't even remember the last time I've gone to church.
Ok, I lied. I do remember. I remember hating it because I was young and immature, being forced to go to Sunday school. The thing I hated was the fact that I was forced to wear a nice dress...one I thought looked like a messed up picnic cloth. That's all I could focus on too. I learned nothing. I admire those who are so dedicated to their higher power, but I've just never been one for that myself.
Even when I was given my assignments for treatment, one of them was to read about spirituality, because I was "lacking". Any awakening? Nope. I tried, I opened myself up to ideas. The closest I've ever been to religion or spirituality besides that was in my college Intro to Islam course. And now all I'm able to do is pick at politically incorrect muslim jokes. Joy, now I'm officially a buzz kill.
For those who are able to achieve these steps, I congratulate you and give you each 5 golden stars. For those who can relate, and I'm guessing a good number of younger addicts can, it's all in time. If I were to try and explain my idea of a high er power, I would settle with the energy of the world. No I am not one of those "Woah, you have a red energy now, sorry to piss you off" people, and I don't think random items like lamps, rubber ducks, and dildos have their own spiritual energy (unless you make an energizer bunny battery joke, then the dildo's energy goes on and on). But the people of the world certainly do, and everyone's energy varies. We are each other's own higher power, I think. As a whole, we are creators.
See? You can tell I suck at the whole spiritual thing. I tried.
For MY sake, I would LOVE for someone to write about this if they once went through similar struggles. That would be nice; I could use some pointers.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Why "Early Bloomers"?
Location: My very messy bedroom
Mood: Content
Question: "Sooo...what now?"
A few people have already expressed interest in helping me out with this blog, whether it be telling their stories to just speaking about something significant in this lifelong process of recovery. Hurrah! They also mentioned that they like how it doesn't really have much structure yet; there is appeal in the blog forming as it grows. An interesting point. I'm normally someone who likes to know what I'm getting myself into, but this is a great change. My only hope is that it forms into something that people can continue to enjoy and appreciate; without a plan, it could easily form into something that could die easily. All in time.
The title of the site may change as things progress, but I know that at least one person is bound to ask why I chose "Early Bloomers". Sounds like a cheesy website for premature baby showers (if that's even a thing). While I was in treatment, I was easily one of the youngest there. One significant difference that I spotted was that I had not been dealing with this addiction nearly as long as other people. Some patients had been dealing with it for decades...and I'm only two decades total. I'm thankful, however, that I am getting the help I need at THIS point in time; I'm learning a lot of things about myself that I wouldn't have learned until late in life. The struggles I'm dealing with now are ones that not all young adults deal with.
I admire those who are recovering at my age because they are learning and dealing with these same struggles so soon in life. This will make us stronger as people, that is if we continue to support each other with our sobriety. We'll have a wisdom that those without this disease won't. We are early bloomers in life because we are now deeply becoming one with our inner selves. This realization of self being will not be as far down the path as for most, it is now.
This website has high hopes already, from multiple people. I encourage them to spread the word once they contribute; I have found people with the most interesting life stories. Learning people's backgrounds always shows me that even though we have addiction in common, all of our stories differ greatly. Please let me know if you would like to share. It doesn't even have to be a story. It can be anything you think will help yourself and others.
Although I have not met every victim, I can easily say that I wish you all the best and have you in my thoughts often.
Mood: Content
Question: "Sooo...what now?"
A few people have already expressed interest in helping me out with this blog, whether it be telling their stories to just speaking about something significant in this lifelong process of recovery. Hurrah! They also mentioned that they like how it doesn't really have much structure yet; there is appeal in the blog forming as it grows. An interesting point. I'm normally someone who likes to know what I'm getting myself into, but this is a great change. My only hope is that it forms into something that people can continue to enjoy and appreciate; without a plan, it could easily form into something that could die easily. All in time.
The title of the site may change as things progress, but I know that at least one person is bound to ask why I chose "Early Bloomers". Sounds like a cheesy website for premature baby showers (if that's even a thing). While I was in treatment, I was easily one of the youngest there. One significant difference that I spotted was that I had not been dealing with this addiction nearly as long as other people. Some patients had been dealing with it for decades...and I'm only two decades total. I'm thankful, however, that I am getting the help I need at THIS point in time; I'm learning a lot of things about myself that I wouldn't have learned until late in life. The struggles I'm dealing with now are ones that not all young adults deal with.
I admire those who are recovering at my age because they are learning and dealing with these same struggles so soon in life. This will make us stronger as people, that is if we continue to support each other with our sobriety. We'll have a wisdom that those without this disease won't. We are early bloomers in life because we are now deeply becoming one with our inner selves. This realization of self being will not be as far down the path as for most, it is now.
This website has high hopes already, from multiple people. I encourage them to spread the word once they contribute; I have found people with the most interesting life stories. Learning people's backgrounds always shows me that even though we have addiction in common, all of our stories differ greatly. Please let me know if you would like to share. It doesn't even have to be a story. It can be anything you think will help yourself and others.
Although I have not met every victim, I can easily say that I wish you all the best and have you in my thoughts often.
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